Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
