Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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