Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
