you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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