dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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