Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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