could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
