By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
