I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
