Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
