the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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