is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
