its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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