Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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