Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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