I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
