Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
