Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
