I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
