toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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