I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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