I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I FOUND THE LEGS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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