Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
