Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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