so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
