Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
COCAINE IS GR8
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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