so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
