He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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