my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
whose parrot is this?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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