he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
