In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
