True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
