I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
