i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
