Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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