He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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