He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
