do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
