Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
