her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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