I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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