god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
