her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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