remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize