You made me cry and you don't even care
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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