I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
