If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
false alarm, still single
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
