im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
