Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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