Your face is a jimmy john
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found a bag of teeth...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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