im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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