Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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