i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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