Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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