my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
