Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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