I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
