you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.