ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome