I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City