hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
