remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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