He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
