Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
