and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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