dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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