i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
