if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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